I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Damn victory sex feels great
Panties = found
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
