atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
