i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize