does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
