The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
