And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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