How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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