just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
