tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
