God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't notice because vodka
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
