this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
