My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
