Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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