Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
