My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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