what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
