the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
did i just pee glitter
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
