And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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