My cat gives me a boner
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
