Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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