Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
