dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
