And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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