you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
