Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
