You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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