Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
