my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
