I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
