I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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