Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
