During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
false alarm, still single
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