from now on my penis is your penis
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
