Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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