Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
