SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
