woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
