I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
