i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
