he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
