Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
