proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
