last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
