My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
