i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
