I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
