Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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