FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
MIDGETS
????
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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