If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize