So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
