While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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