I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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