Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
