She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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