she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
