It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize