Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
