So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Come see our sink grown plant.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
