nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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