i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
