so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
