kristin has been a bad kristin
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I didn't notice because vodka
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
