Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
