Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize